I’ve just lost people I care about, not just one, but a few,
I’ve lost a relationship, someone who cared ended to soon.
My best friend and I rowed, what about, I don’t know,
Perhaps, better left unsaid, and just let it go.
To my mother I am a monster, changed in every way,
You’re Asian fiends must of made you this way,
I sit her and think about how to end,
Should I cut, swallow or hang?
I do, so fuck you all. I’m still here!!!
For many years now I always get asked the same question time and time again… why do I prefer to shoot on film and not digital, surely digital is more convenient? point, shoot, download and done.
Being a full time photographer requires me to shoot with both, digital and analogue. The majority of my analogue is mainly for my exhibition work, my digital camera is mainly for the commercial work, with the occasional client insisting on film.. woo hoo!
There are so many reasons why I prefer film over digital but I am not going to go over the never ending list of.. personally more con’s with digi and maybe one or two pro’s, I am going to show you just one major pain in the arse con.
For those of you who have no clue what I am babbling about, inside those pretty pink circles that I painstakingly drew is a piece of grime/dust that is sitting comfortably on my camera sensor, not visible whilst looking on the camera screen, but once opened on my laptop, there are more spots on my images than a Acne covered pubescent teenager, 311 to be precise.
I learned the hard way, a few years ago doing a commercial shoot, my sensor was recently cleaned (allegedly) everything looked fine, but when I downloaded the 200+ images, it took me more than 5 days of post production to clean up. Something I do not want to experience again.
So, the best way not to get dust on your sensor, apart from living in a bubble, is to be able to afford one camera body per lens and a bloody big camera bag.
After a night on the booze with probably my closest and best friend here in Malaysia we ended up talking about whether we could share our partners with someone else, ie a threesome? My answer, NO bloody way!, boy or girl, man or woman, I cant, I just can’t, I am not interested in two women shagging each other, and I certainly don’t want another man making out with my girlfriend, partner, however you want to categorize it in front of me.
Which brings me to this little episode in Mallorca when I just finished art school at Epsom, Surrey. I had just been accepted into Swansea Institute after my ND in Art at Epsom, and before I started Uni I decided to spend the summer in Mallorca, Spain with my family.
Mallorca is the typical Spanish tourist Island with English bars full of English people eating English food with married couples staring into space not exchanging one single word with each other and coming back home and saying what a great holiday time they had… “It was so good to get away from everything” right! anyway so back to me. A typical summer in my parents home in Mallorca. I would go out every night, get shit faced, pass out, normally in my car, but on an occasion I would find myself fully clothed on a lilo in a hotel swimming pool, or sometimes at the bottom of a swimming pool after rolling in off the lilo… Dr Martens are a no no when it comes to buoyancy.
So, I just been accepted into Uni to do a degree in photography, I have one summer to enjoy myself before going back to the UK.
I meet this guy from UK, his name is Robert, he is a sort of English version Ron Jeremy but with a better accent. Robert just bought over one of the biggest clubs in this town, a really nice guy, but a total sleaze bag.
We got to know each other quite well as the summer went on, and Robert’s reputation of being a sleazebag was holding fast.
One night, during a drinking session he said “Paul”, “wot”? I replied,
Robert: You want to work as a photographer right?
Me: Yes, that is the plan.
Robert: I can get you a job with a very reputable company, money is good, you will get to travel but you will have to be an assistant first.
Me: sounds too good to be true, but what about Uni, Im meant to be starting soon.
Robert: You don’t need it, once you’re are in, you’re in.
Me: So who is the client?
Me: Huh, Why is it?
Robert: No it’s not private, it’s Private, that’s the company.
After choking on my beer.. are you fucking serious? it’s a fucking porn mag.. that’s what I heard 😉
Me: no way,
Me: err, I don’t know, its just… err, its a porn mag.
Robert: think of all the girls you’re gonna shag.
Me: yeah, but..
Robert: but what?
Me: (flustered) I don’t know.. can I think about it?
Robert: You have a week
Back to our beers and loads of them.. Robert later danced naked on a podium at his club with his socks on, well, actually he wasn’t naked, but almost.
I declined his offer, whether it was the right thing to do I don’t know. Yes I could be well off working in the world of sleaze enjoying myself and earning shit loads, but I decided to go to Uni, get my education and end up broke instead.